This is my story OS
by Urban Rose
Summary: This is my entry for the uniformed men contest on Tricky Raven. Bella writes a letter to Jake, regarding her current relationship and her feelings about him. One shot. AU. No vampires.


Title: This is my story

Pairing (for fanfiction): Bella/Him (He/Him/His) & Bella/Jacob

Rating: M contains graphic references to abuse and violence.

Genre: Angst/sad and Romance!

Word count: 5000

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Jake,

If you are reading this letter, it means one way or another He has finally killed me. I'm scared what He'll do now I've finally left Him, which is I need to write my side of the story down in the hope you or someone else finds it, because I need you to know how I feel. So you will understand why I never reached out to you again. Despite what you may have thought it wasn't from not wanting too, or even lack of trying. I never stopped. As I write this I'm trying to come back to you and Charlie.

First of all thank you Jake. You will never know what you did for me or how you rescued me. You showed me that not only am I capable of loving again, or that I deserve to be loved, but most of all for showing me what love is. I want to thank you for never giving up on me, for always being my rock, for giving me your strength and courage and for endlessly trying to make me see myself how you see me and attempting to stitch me back together bit by bit with every kind word, every hug, and for every smile. You will never understand how much you and your friendship mean to me or the power of both. Before you I begged for the relief of death, without ever truly knowing what what my life could have been like. You showed me a glimmer of what real love and happiness could be like, and just that small glimmer made me wish for more. The time without you made me beg for death once again because you were my ray of sunshine, you and Charlie are my world, the reason I endured my hell, and without you life wasn't worth living.

I know you think you know how awful my life was, but I could never tell you everything. All the truly evil things, those I'll take to my grave with me because no one should have to read or hear those things and I don't wish to relive them.

In this letter there are details I don't want you or Charlie to read; I'm only writing them down because I need people know the kind of man He was. The kind of man who managed to fool everyone, including professionals and even my own mother, and that should I die, this may help punish Him, for what He did.

I know what kind of man He is, and how He hates to be betrayed or made a fool of, so I have an extremely strong feeling I won't make it out of this relationship or this attempt at leaving Him alive. I need to tell you enough that you will understand why I am the way I am; why I flinch when you would try to tuck my hair behind my ear, or how loud noises/shouting always made me nervous. But more that that, I want people to know the truth. If by sharing my story another girl is stopped from making the same mistakes, I did but I just want Him to not get away with it.

I was naïve, young and in love- or so I thought. I was a fly caught in a spider's web, and foolish enough to think He would change or I could leave if I wanted to. I couldn't, no matter how I tried, and in the end, like the fly I grew too tired, too weak, and just gave up. Now I've giving it one last try. I know it's run or die. But it's also don't and die, so I've got nothing to lose, but someone to fight for this time.

I didn't want this life, I didn't stay because I chose to, I didn't stay because I wanted to. I stayed because I had no other option. Doctors and Nurses ask the questions and you know they'll look at you with disbelief but accept the lies anyway. They never think to ask without Him there, or dig a little deeper or see the invisible gun He was holding to my head, as He stands there, charming them with His lies, as they ask how it happened this time.

You see over time I become a pro, at lying, because I had to, of hiding the marks, and the bruises that litter every inch of my body, except my face.

No one else hears the tirade of taunts He hurls at me constantly until I feel worthless. How He tells me I am beyond damaged and should feel grateful, He at least will tolerate me, because no one else will. Who could possible want me? He wears me down, not just physically but mentally and emotionally too.

Until there is nothing left of me, the old me, the real me. Even I don't recognize myself anymore. I felt invincible until He needed something to hit, a mere extra, a prop in someone else's life, a useless wreck. I lay there after yet another beating, praying death will take me this time. Yet even death doesn't want me, and so my torture continues. The first time I woke up in a pool of blood, I remember Him cradling me and begging me to forgive him; that I had pushed Him too far. He was sorry but why had I made Him do it? That if only I didn't do whatever it was that enraged Him that time, again, we would be okay. He told me that He loved me and He was sorry, kissing me over and over again as He cried. He told me He would change, and pleaded for forgiveness; which I did. I loved him, I thought I had made Him do it, I had pushed His buttons and provoked Him but no sooner had I forgiven him, His tears dried and He was demanding dinner and those reassurances were nothing more than promises in the sand, that tide washed away straight away.

I'm sat here on the bus reminiscing about how I first met him, how He used to be, but those memories are tainted, destroyed, by him a long time ago. I remember naively thinking that the first slap would also be the last. I quickly realized His promises were as empty as my heart and my soul.

He was always telling me, how I will never find someone who loves me like He does, who will put up with me, like He does. So I stayed, because I knew no other life, than that one, He was all I knew. Until you appeared. I had never had the chance to see this wasn't how life was supposed to be, because I haven't seen anyone in so long. No the only people I saw who weren't doctors or nurses were His family, and He is a master of acting. Always playing the perfect doting husband, and they never seemed to realise it was all a facade, no one does. I didn't know anything else, I married my first boyfriend, my first love, I thought it was the fairytale romance come true. now I look at Him and can't remember where He went or when He left.

_Jake this isn't for you to read, but for the authorities so please skip this paragraph._

This is one example of many that I endure, the reason: I wore the wrong color blouse. I berated my stupidity for such a basic error, I knew he didn't like red, or was it orange, I can't remember as He wrapped His hand around my hair and pulled it tight, my head jerks back. I know this is so he can watch my expressions as his cigarette burns into the skin on my back. When He is done, He yanked me to my feet by my hair and smashed my face into the mirror screaming to look at the mess that He is forced to endure and how I disgust him, shouting at me to repeat it, until I'm screaming it so loudly my voice breaks, leaving a raspy husky tone. My throat was so raw, I'm sure I could taste blood. He threw me to the floor roughly and my elbow smashes into the leg of the bed, I hear an un-natural crack and searing hot pain shoots up my arm, like it is on fire. I managed to bite my lip so He doesn't become aware of my injury and use it against me. It wouldn't be the first time, or even the third. He yanked me by my other arm luckily, and throws me backwards onto the floor so hard, I land with a thud, and my head flies back and cracks against the floor. The next thing I know He is on me, ripping and tearing the remaining clothes from my body that is already raw, sore and bleeding, from the punches and blows that He had rained down on me, with His hands and fists, only moments ago. My back is raw and blistering but if He cares He doesn't show it as He takes the last remaining act of love we had left, and brutalizes my body from within me. Only when He is done, does He look at me but there are no kind endearments, words or gestures of love, instead He spits in my face, and climbs off me, like I am nothing at all. I want to thank God that it's over when He hears the minute sigh of relief and He spins around and grabs me by my hair once, again, this time using it like a leash, dragging my shattered body to the stairs. "Stand" He yells into my face, as my weaken limbs stumble, even my now slight frame is too much for my legs, He pulls me upright by my hair yanking so hard, even in this delirious state, I am amazed it hasn't come away from my scalp. As I finally manage to stand on shaky legs, He steps towards me knowing I will step back, but I am already balancing precariously, naked on the edge of the top step, He keeps coming towards me until His skin to touching mine, His disgusting breathe is ghosting across my neck as He runs His nose along my jawline. "This is your fault. You did this to me," is all He said. His hands resting on my shoulders, and pushed me hard. I feel the falling and tumbling, and the smack as I hit the bottom. Then it goes black. Please let this be death I plead. The thing that people don't realize, don't understand is unless you know what it is like, to live in fear of doing something wrong, of saying the wrong thing, of breathing wrong, then you will never truly know fear like this. To wonder what happened to the man you fell in love or where He went, what you did so awful that Mr. Right turned into Mr. Hyde overnight. To fear the lips that used to whisper how much He loved you, but now spit venom laced hatred. To fear the hand that is now wrapped around your own, knowing at any minute it could grab you with viper like precision and coil around your neck, suffocating you with their own brand of love, teaching you the right way to be a good wife.

My life was over, I was literally begging for death to take me, planning ways to end my own life when you appeared, like a ray of sunshine in a sea of darkness, offer me a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, and all the support you could offer. I saw the look you gave me when u didn't think I could see, I saw the pity and the sadness in your eyes that first time you saw me like that, lying in the hospital bed, beaten and battered. I saw the look of disbelief then rage as I stuck to my story that I had tripped and fell down the stairs, but still you hid it well. You were patient, and gentle not wanting to push me or upset me, I still remember the way you masked your emotions, like the professional you were as He walked in. I knew you wanted to scare him, sat there in your police-officer's uniform, because you had come as soon as you got word. You introduced yourself like you were working instead of being an off duty old family friend. I was sure I saw a flicker of rage as He tried to charm you with His way, laughing over my clumsiness. He could charm anyone, but not you.

You visited every day making me smile and laugh for the first time in years over old stories of our dads, but the visits always short because He didn't like me having visitors, always present even when my dad would visit, so how you managed those brief visits I shall never know. That day I met, was fate. I only managed to get to Charlie's that day, because His boss had made him attend a baseball game, as a work function, giving me an opportunity to see Dad, I went knowing it may be my last chance to tell him goodbye, instead I met you and Billy again. I couldn't believe how much you had changed, or that you now were now a Police Officer with Charlie. I couldn't imagine the little boy I used to make mud pies with, was all grown up, and boy had you grown up. But underneath all of that muscle was the same kind hearted little boy I remembered with the impish grin.

You asked why I was wearing a polo neck sweater in summer, and watched as I shrugged it off, you watched me the same way Charlie did. Maybe it was the cop in you.

Those baseball games, I managed to see you all, became my lifeline. I would spend all week like I couldn't breathe and then when I was with you and Charlie and Billy it was like I finally had air. It made enduring the hell I lived in, manageable. Still you, Dad and even Billy would watch me, silently. Often probing me asking how work was, horrified that I had given up writing for the paper to spend more time at home, when in truth He had made me resign. It was just as well because I couldn't hide the marks, the bruises and sometimes even the scars every day. However that He didn't concern Him instead He would regale everyone with how clumsy I was, but it worked, because I was so scared of people seeing my scars, my bruises I would shy away or flinch or act so nervous around anyone I would often tremble or drop things, soon everyone call clumsy Bella. But no He didn't want me around other men; always accusing me of flirting with them or cheating on him, while telling me how fat I was, how ugly I was, how disgusting I was, but I would learn, the beatings which had been regular now became a daily occurrence.

Sometimes on those visits I would be so happy with you I would forget myself and roll up my sleeves to make the pie crusts or as I reached up to get something from the cupboards as you sat on the side sharing stories of your friends and colleagues, and you would see and ask me, never believing my stories. You were always so sweet and kind, but always so tactile, even when I would flinch every time, and I'd see the hurt in your eyes, but I couldn't tell you that I hadn't felt a kind touch or a kind word in such a long time I had forgotten they were possible.

That day in the hospital, you must have realised it was my payment for you visiting me at His house. It was never mine. It was never home to me, just a prison. You had been worried you had heard about the disturbance call out the night before, you came to see if I was okay. But younger sister had seen you and told Him.

Watching you leave that day in the hospital, felt like you had taken the little bit of my heart and soul and life you had given me by just being you, left with you. It was then I knew I had to get out. I knew deep down as much as you didn't want to leave me you wouldn't risk me lying in another hospital bed. Or worse.

I did. I managed to escape, and ran to my Mother's, thinking He wouldn't find me. I told only Dad. Next thing I knew you were there, those few days you stayed, you made me feel alive at last. I could never understand why you want to be friends with someone as worthless and damaged as I am. Yet how I wished you could want someone like me, but He was right, no one would ever want me, let alone someone as special and amazing as you.

Slowly I began to open up to you, to tell you things, the truth. Until that fateful day He appeared one day charming His way in, and my Mother; always so easily charmed by a good looking man. Telling me we couldn't break our vows, and my mother, the same one who walked out on my father, shortly after I was born, agreed right along with him, helping Him pack my few belongings, and waving me off at the airport right into the arms of the devil disguised as an angel. He smashed my phone, told me I couldn't be trusted with one. I couldn't tell anyone I was back in hell, or that He had moved us somewhere no one knew to look for me. I knew I had to get word to you, so you knew this isn't what I wanted. But I had no way. So I took each day as it was, missing you every single day.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Every day got worse. I was in and out of hospital so much the nurses stopped looking at me with pity, until one day I met a new one, she was lovely and sweet, she reminded me of you. This time I had a broken jaw so I couldn't talk. But she would sit and talk to me, tell me stories of her boyfriend and His friends. I was amazed when she told me He too was a Police Officer just like you and Charlie. I tried so hard to tell her, but I still couldn't speak. Then He would arrive, always trying to charm her but she never succumbed to him. She told me He had even asked for her to be removed from my care rota. She'd tell me what she thought of him, maybe because I couldn't defend him, or maybe she thought it was what I needed to hear. Yet still she would come to see me. One day she brought me a pad and pencil to see if I could write. I was so relieved that day I remember scribbling in my awful handwriting even though it hurt so much.

JACOB. CHARLIE.

She looked shocked as she read it.

"You're 'Bells' aren't you?" I heard her tone I knew she must have believed I had gone home willingly to him.

HELP ME PLE-

He appeared suddenly. In a fluster I knocked the bedside table and split the jug of water, all over the bed and notepad. Rachel grabbed both as she pulled the wet bedding off me, exposing my bruised legs to us all. She rushed to hide the evidence telling Him He would need to leave while she changed me. He had roared at her to get out and get someone else but she stood her grounds, with a determined strength I had never seen before, and in that moment I wanted to be just like her. Her gasp as she disrobed me and saw the true extent of my injuries made me cry as she looked at me with more sadness I had ever known.

He moved me to another hospital and we moved yet again. This time away from Forks. Everyday seemed to get worse, get darker and blacker. I was losing the will to live without you or Dad. I didn't see the point of trying anymore. The beatings got worse, He was taking everything He wanted from me, whenever He wanted and I was only allowed out with Him or one of His siblings, and even those were a rarity.

It was on one of these, that His older sister pointed out I was looking rather pale, and I burst into tears. She tried to hold me but I recoiled from habit. Her face betrayed her hurt and made me think of you again. I hadn't been able to keep food down for a few weeks and every night He would beat me and then he'd- take His husband rights with my body. I couldn't take it anymore and was looking for a way to end my misery. She tried to console me, but she saw the bruises lacing my wrist like handcuffs. I was sick and it was then she suggested I take a test, but the fear in my eyes, that a baby would be in the midst of this life, was too much. She promised to help me. How sorry she was, that she didn't know. She told me before she met Emmett, she had been with a brute of a boyfriend. She seemed truly appalled she hadn't seen it but how could she no one saw it. Sometimes I felt like I was slowing disappearing. I was no longer me I wasn't even a shadow of the person you knew all those months ago.

However the moment that small blue line appeared, it changed everything. I knew I had to get out. I had to escape. It wasn't just about me anymore. I had to be strong for the baby I was carrying. So with only a credit card from Rose, and nothing else to my name I boarded a bus to the only place I knew. The only place I had ever felt safe or called home. I am coming back to Forks. It is on this bus I write this letter to you. Because the moment He finds out I am gone, I know He will come looking for me, and if He finds me before I can find you or Charlie I have no doubt in my mind, that He will kill me this time. He won't accept my betrayal again. I've been told too many times that if He can't have me no one will have me. I know He means it. This time.

I have no idea how I have survived this far, but part of me keeps me fighting so I can come back to you, and even if you don't want me as anything more than a friend, because I am damaged and more messed up than anyone could possible know let alone understand, then I'll happily take whatever crumbs I can have. But I can't have my baby growing up watching their – I can't even call Him that word. They can't grow up like that. I won't allow Him to destroy another human being like He has me.

This wasn't how it was meant to be. I never thought this is how my life would be. I wanted to just fall in love, be happy, have babies, grow old, see my babies have babies.

If you get this letter Jacob and I am no longer here, know that I love you more than you will ever know. I always did, and always will. I was just foolishly charmed by a demon in nice clothes, and a way with words.

I love you and I hope there is an afterlife, did there is I shall continue to love you there. But Jake, if you or Charlie find this letter- take it to the right people, don't take the law into your own hands, that isn't who you or He is. Make Him pay the right way. Please.

My last wish is for you to live your life to the fullest, and remember I loved you all with everything I had. You rescued me and gave me hope and love -for that I am truly grateful.

Tell Charlie I Love him. Billy too.

Love you always,

Your Bells x

Embry Call looked up as he finished reading, and looked around at all the somber faces; some tear stained, some crying, and even the men looked affected by heart-felt letter, written by his best friend's secret soul-mate.

As Bella had predicted, her husband wouldn't let her leave Him alive. Embry had seen the aftermath of Bella's last fatal meeting with Him, in the crime scene photographical evidence but also through the pack mind. The pack saw harrowing scene exactly as Charlie, Jake, Paul and Mark had seen it. He had seen it play out from both his pack mate's viewpoint as the call came through to Paul and Deputy Mark, about a disturbance at the Swan house. He had seen the fear in Mark's eyes and felt Paul's. He heard Laura's panic through the radio, as she explained that Charlie had been in the office when the call came through, and shot out of the station like a bat out of hell, before the news of a gunshot being heard. Embry had felt the ice run down Paul's spine, as the phone connected with Jacob's voicemail. He hadn't needed to hear. He already knew, He had felt it.

As Mark sped to the Swan's house Paul could hear a faint siren ahead. Somehow they pulled up just behind Charlie, and Jake raced through the trees just sweatpants on. Mark tried to hold Charlie back, but there was no way he could hold Jake back.

Embry remembered that awful sight and stench of blood, as images and feelings flooded the pack mind. Jake's anguish as he and Charlie fell to their knees and crying had crippled every wolf, bringing them all their knees as their saw their Alpha's imprints' bloody, battered body lying in a pool of blood, a gun beside her.

Paul had gone to check if she was alive, feeling for her pulse, he shivered as he touched her cold wrist. Nothing. He took a deep breath, afraid to turn around a deliver the blow that would kill his boss and brother.

"NO! NO! She isn't I'd feel it!" Jake roared as he pushed Paul out of the way and bent over her, looking and listening for any sign of life. Paul looked over at the bastard opposite Bella. With a single hole in his head Paul knew he was dead.

Embry shook his head, and cleared his throat.

"Your Honor, and members of the Jury, you have heard accounts from the Police Officers first on the scene, the crime scene investigator, Doctors and even the trauma nurse, who found this letter in Ms. Cullen's clothing when she was rushed into ER, that fatal day, as well as Ms. Cullen own account of what happened. However this letter- should clear any doubt in your mind, that not only did Ms. Cullen experience a living Hell prior to that fatal day but she predicted her own murder. This letter proves she acted in self-defence from a vicious violent man who was determined to never let her escape his vindictive clutches. So I put to you the life she experienced at his hands, as well as the loss of her unborn child, the scars, and memories are punishment enough. She didn't set out to kill her husband. She walked into her father's house, looking for sanctuary and instead found Him waiting with a gun to end her life. The fact she is stood in the docks, today shows she is a survivor and a fighter. So I ask you to find her not guilty. Your Honor, I rest my case.

**Epilogue**

Jake pulled the cruiser up outside the little wooden cabin, which had been Billy's but with some adjustments was also now their house. As he and Paul both climbed out, they chuckled at the sight of their welcoming committee, sitting on the porch.

"Dadda!" "Unca Dawl"

"Daddy!" "Ankle J!"

"Dadda!" "Unca paw"

Jacob smiled broadly at his two small infants, struggling in their grandpa ChiCHi and GG Cha's arms as his pregnant wife and sister struggled to their feet, to welcome them home. Little Jay, ran to his dad, and giggled ecstatically as he was thrown into the air. Jake picked up the love of his life, and swung her around making her giggle delightedly, alongside his elated nephew. Jacob looked at her, and his breathe caught with her beauty as his heart simultaneously gave a pained thud, in acknowledgement to how close he had nearly came, to losing the beautiful angel in his arms. Jacob yet again said a silent thank you to the spirits for not only bringing him such an amazing imprint, but also for answering his prayers to save her, but to help her mend. He wished he could have rescued her before so she didn't have to go through the traumatic past she had but he knew instead he and the birth of their twins, along with their fathers, the pack and imprints had helped Bella to finally lay her past to rest.

"I love you with everything that I am, and everything I have" Jacob whispered into her ear as he set her down onto her feet gently.

"Ditto".


End file.
